I'm going through the month of March and trying to celebrate as many of the celebrations days as I can in an effort to decide just how badly we need so very many celebrations!
Yesterday came and went without any celebration on my part. A shame, because I missed many great celebrations days! Sometimes you just get busy, the cars run off the rails and you go all day setting them back up before you find out that it is,...
Fill Our Staplers Day! This one is also celebrated in November. No wonder we have so many celebration days when we are celebrating the filling of our staplers twice a year. The country's birthday only gets remembered once! I don't know why filling the staplers ranks higher than that! Anyway, I missed it, so my stapler is empty. Now what am I supposed to do? Wait until November when it comes around again? But, I have an excuse, I was napping because it was,...
Napping Day! Caught me napping! Nothing woke me. I don't even know if the phone rang, which it may have since it was,...
Land Line Telephone Day! I don't think this one came down to us from General Washington, Betsy Ross, or Ben Franklin. Probably not even from Joe Franklin. It probably came from the marketing department at the telephone company. We get about 30 calls a week on our land line. about 5 of them are from people who matter, and the rest are telemarketers. I am paying too much money to make it easy for the telemarketers to call me about things I'm not interested in and wasting time I don't have to give them. I may not be celebrating this day next year. I could save over 300.00 a year, not to mention the time and aggravation. And, there would be one less day to have to celebrate!
Mario Day! If your name is Mario, take yourself out to lunch.
Salvation Army Day! A worthy organization. They help people and don't use taxes to do it. They also tell people about Jesus Christ. They run homeless shelters, serve meals to the poor, and salvage old furniture. Not bad. I feel a little more like celebrating this than the thing about refilling a stapler, important though that may be.
US Paper Money Day! Considering how much less it is worth day by day, I wouldn't brag.
Women & Girls HIV/AIDS Awareness Day! Great, but why limit it according to gender? Doesn't everyone need to be aware of this?
Middle Name Pride Day! Considering the oddity of some middle names I have to wonder at this one. On the one hand it is just a group of phonemes, but on the other it is still just a group of phonemes. But, if it's all ya' got, then it's all ya' got. Go ahead and be proud. I guess everyone must have a middle name if the IRS is going to have an easier time tracking us down. Hope it makes em' be happy, so shout out your middle name, and remember to declare the value of all those Middle Name Pride Day gifts you got on your taxes.
International Day of Awesomeness! Are you sure? I guess it was an awesome day because Mario made a reservation using his landline telephone and took himself to a lunch that cost a lot of paper money, after filling his stapler, shooting off a donation to the salvation army, and doing a googling to find out when Men and Boys HIV/AIDS Awareness Day is. (Actually, there isn't one. The closest you can get is Gay Men HIV/AIDS Awareness Day). Then Mario shouted out about his middle name (withheld upon request), and started his income taxes. Yeah, awesome day alright!
Saint John Ogilvie Day! a saint from Scotland, martyred for handing out bibles and rosaries. The nerve of him!
Well, that was our awesome Monday. Today is Tuesday the 11th of March, and another strong day of celebration! Starting with,...
Dream 2014 Day! I think this one is of fairly recent origin. It also sorta lacks substance, like someone just dreamed it up as an excuse to have something to celebrate.
Johnny Appleseed Day! Hey, a real celebration day! It celebrates the life of John Chapman who, well, if you don't know, he was a real American into ecology and agriculture before it was en vogue. He planted all over the country, and guess what he planted,... wait for it,... Apple trees! From which you get apple seeds. Well, actually you get the seeds from the fruit. Dig a hole in the snow and plant your apple seeds! Did you have an apple today? I did! A ripe yellow delicious apple. If you buy apples in the store, you have to let them sit and ripen. If you eat them fresh from the store you are actually getting green apples that are artificially colored. Buy your apples about two weeks ahead of time to let them ripen, or you won't even know what a real apple tastes like.
Organize Your Home Office Day! Okay, now I know we just celebrated this one in the past week. That is one of the troubles with minor celebration days; people lose track of whether it is celebrated on the calendar date or the third Tuesday of whatever month. Then, in the following year, some people celebrate it on the same calendar date, and some on the third Tuesday of whatever month. This is also a giveaway to the origin of the celebration. If it is a movable celebration and moves around to fall on a Monday or a Friday, or other weekend day, then it is probably from a marketing department celebrated around a spending pattern. But, if you haven't already organized your home office, well, give it a whack.
World Plumbing Day! I wonder if this is really celebrated all over the world? Outback of OZ? Central Africa? The Gobi? Maybe a little overreaching on this one.
Buzzard Day! Go celebrate a buzzard. How do you do that? Leave it some road kill? Buzz? This one ranks right up there with,...
Festival of Life in the Cracks Day! Oh, come on, now. You just made this one up, didn't you? I mean, truly. This has 'homemade' stamped all over it. If you have fallen through the cracks, get up. Go organize your home office. Have an apple, or feed one to a buzzard. Or at least flush your troubles down the toilet and celebrate the plumbers of the world, who do us great good (even if their marketing department is still trying to figure things out). Abandon the cracks! Join the rest of us. No one is gonna' do it for you.
Worship of Tools Day! Straight from the marketing department! I know some folks like their tools, but worship is a pretty strong term.
I did once have a screw driver that I admired. Crossed two leads inside a TV with it and destroyed the shaft. I sighed when I threw that one away. The TV did work great after that for the rest of the summer. Someone took my good hammer once. That always bothered me. If I found out who did it I might have nailed him. But, none of that rises to the intensity of worship. This one needs to go back to the marketing department with a memo: try again.
Saint Aengus Day! He was known as a scholar, a poet, a hermit, and a monastic. I'd like to say celebrate with a good cut of Aengus beef, but that could probably be construed as irreverent, so I'm not going to say that.
Instead I will just say, Saints, John Ogilvie and Aengus, pray for us.