March On, Day 7
We have so many celebration days on the calendar it is nearly nutty, but in the month of March I am giving a whack at doing something celebratory to them all! No matter how nutty that is, and also commenting a bit on the nuttiness of having so many, and so many that beg the question, 'why was this holiday created to begin with?'
Continuing this celebration of days in March, we have a fine collection of options. You may celebrate all or any of them as you wish. Start the day off right with a great bowl of nutritious breakfast because it is,...
Cereal Day: Many modern cereals contain sugar, additives, preservatives, sugar, coloring, flavoring, wood pulp (aka, cellulose), with traces of various grains and are usually sweetened with sugar. Having modern cereal can sure kick-start your day with a great jolt of high energy! The most popular way to eat cereal is by drenching it with cream or whole milk that is fortified with vitamin D, bovine growth hormones, cholesterol and sugar. Add coffee as a beverage. (You can enjoy your coffee with a healthy dose of cream and sugar as well)! Starting the day that way will help you to talk fast and smile a lot for hours!
National Crown Roast of Pork Day! Someone in marketing didn't get the memo. You already don't sell Crown Roast of Pork to Moslems and Jews, vegans and vegetarians, which reduces your market share significantly. Catholics, therefore, as a quarter of general population are actually a larger percentage of your potential customers after you knock out those other parts out of the demographic. So it is a mystery to me why you would make a Friday in Lent National Crown Roast of Pork Day! It must be your smallest market-share day of the year. You need to try and move this one. Maybe shift it over and share the day with Deep-Fried Ham Hock Day or something like that. But, if you were wondering about the drop-off in sales despite making it a focus-day in your marketing it pays to know that most Catholics don't eat meat on Fridays in Lent. If you are a portion of the target demographic who can eat pork today, have at it! (Make up for the rest of us and help save the pork producers. No, that isn't the same as politicians).
Here's a problem it is both: Employee Appreciation Day! and National Salesperson Day! You see the problem, right? You want employees to feel special, but you make salespeople twice as special by having both of these celebrations on the same day. How did no one see this coming? If you separate sales people from the other employees you create a caste system within the company. I don't know what you are going to do at this point. The damage may already be done. If there is just Employees Day, then all employees are special. But what does it mean to have both of these events on the same day? Why aren't sales people celebrated along with the rest of the employees? Not good enough? They don't do the real work? Or, are they better than the rest? So special, in fact, that they get to have their own day as well as the general employee day. Super employees, Uber employees. So, whether it is a special day or a double day or an extra day, someone now gets to say "Nah, nah, na-nah!" Started out trying to make someone feel special, and ended up with a Nah-nah. This could all have been avoided with a little forethought, or by moving one of these to a different day. Sad, really. So for,...
Employee Appreciation Day! Appreciate someone who works for you. And, for,...
National Salesperson Day! Go buy something and treat the sales person nice. (But, don't feed them or they will come to expect it).
Middle Name Pride Day: Some people might characterize this as a useless holiday dreamed up by frat-boys on spring break after too much beer. I wouldn't but some people might. I don't really have any good argument against that though, so I'll just move on.
Dress in Blue Day: Some people might characterize this as a useless holiday dreamed up by frat-boys on spring break after too much beer. I wouldn't but some people might. I don't really have any good argument against that though, so I'll just move on.
National Doodle Day: Wow! How nice! Someone must have known that this is one of the nick-names my wife and I use for each other, and named a day for us. I gotta' go and tell Doodle that now we have our own special day on the calendar. National Doodle Day. Now I feel as special as a salesperson on Employee Appreciation Day!
National Day of Unplugging: People are so into their media these days I don't know if we can actually 'unplug' our devices. I'd be happy if people would simply practice a bit more discretion in the places they use their hand-held media, like; movies, churches, busy places where other people are actually living their lives and having in-person conversations like retail locations and in mass-transit. We appreciate that you want to or need to speak to someone who is not present (used to be called psychosis or by some spiritualism), but that doesn't trump our right to communicate with the people who are present. We may give you a moment of silence to get an important detail, but when you say things like, "hey, I'm tryin' to talk to someone. Ya' wanna' shut up?" I'm probably going to say, "Nope!" And, oh yeah, one more thing to some of you other media addicts. Hang it up and drive.
National Be Heard Day: I don't know if they spelled this one right. It may be national b-herd day. A b-herd is the stunt herd of cattle used in low-budget western movies. They have it hard. If a herd of cattle is going to be run off a cliff or have a head-on collision with a powerful locomotive they don't want to use the highly paid star-cattle. The b-herd is used as stand-ins to shoot the dangerous scenes, and then the star-cattle are brought in afterwards to shoot the close-ups. Celebrate with a b-steak (unless you are Catholic).
Saints Perpetua and Felicity Day! Two pregnant women in ancient Carthage who refused to renounce Christ were martyred. Felicity was Perpetua's slave and would not leave her. Through their imprisonment the two women were steadfast in their belief and many were converted by the women's testimonies, bearing, and dignity. They became leaders in the local church, though still in prison, and spokespersons for the faith through their trials. They so impressed their captors that at their execution none of the soldiers dared to lift a hand against them until given permission to do so by Perpetua. God, give us leaders like Perpetua and Felicity. Perpetua and Felicity, pray for us.
World Day of Prayer: I really expected to see billboards around town. What does the world need more than prayer--except the answer to prayer? To celebrate this, what else: say a prayer for world peace.
